So, where to now?

My growing girl is 6 weeks old. At a month and a half, she definitely does not look like the baby I held in the hospital. Eden went through a complete transformation last night because when I held her this morning, I was like, "Eden, how come you're growing so fast. Stay tiny and small so that I can always be able to pick you up!" Eden just babbled. The reason why I think she's getting bigger so fast is the amount of sleep she's getting throughout the day and at night. This girl can sleep! At one point, I was asking myself why she slept so much. Some days she would take 4 hour power naps and other days we wouldn't see her all day (sucks when family members want to see her and play with her). Wanting to know more about it, I jumped online and researched it. I found that studies have shown that there is in fact a link between infant growth spurt and the amount of sleep they get. Infant sleeping patterns are correlated with his or her growth. Growth spurt in length tends to follow after increased sleepand nap time that the infant gets. This makes sense intuitively because in the later stages of sleep, growth hormones are being produced in the body. In an infant, they need as much sleep as they can get to grow mentally and physically. (I love PubMed). I'm a bit obsessive compulsive when it comes to checking baby information on the internet. It's a characteristic of new generation mothers because everything is so accessible on the web. After reading a couple articles, I came to the conclusion that Eden is hitting a huge growth spurt and with all the sleep she's been getting I probably won't recognize her a few days from now. lol

Back then, only a day old!

Another important highlight of the six week milestone marks the end of maternity leave. Yup, maternity leave is 6 weeks long and today I would technically have to go back to work if I had a job. I had to ask myself the most challenging questions, "So, where to now? I know that there are many paths of opportunity to take now that I finished college but the hardest part is deciding which one to take. Do I work a while or do I dive right into furthering my career by taking another 4 years of studying? Or am I content with staying at home for at bit longer because she still depend on me? I get overwhelmed when I ask myself who would be able to take care of the baby while I work or how would I be able to breastfeed/pump while I'm away from her? Quite frankly, I have never been without her for more than a few hours. Am I emotionally ready to be away from her? I remember telling my cousin that I was ready to start working when she was three weeks old but now that it finally sank in and it's time to make a decision, am I really ready?

Now, 6 weeks old!

Weeks just flew by...

I know myself too well. My career is very important to me. If I say otherwise, I would be lying to myself. I also know that raising a family is one of my top priority. I want to be able to raise Eden and make parenting decisions throughout her life. I'm in limbo. I want both and I want to do well in both. Where's that Staple's "easy" button when you need it the most!